Sister Dolores was a nun, who was not much fun,
Nor was she very clever. However …
She could scare the living daylights out of the average child of three,
And back in 1951, that average child was me.
Mean Sister Dolores would pinch the ears and pull the hair,
Of any small person, who would actually dare,
To challenge her superiority or question her authority,
Even though the small person was clearly in the majority.
Wickeddy Baddy
One day, this evil nun caught me in the chapel, drinking holy water.
“I thought it would make me holy too, Sister.” I blubbed - but she gave me no quarter.
Now, there is nothing so terrifying, as everybody knew,
Than a nun suffused with anger, with her wimple all askew.
Her eyes aflame with fury, her face - six shades of red,
She grabbed my arm and cuffed me, several times around the head.
She hollered, screamed and bellowed, pinched my arms and tugged my hair,
And adding to my misery, she stood me on a chair.
So everybody could revile the ‘holy water thief’
The thing that got me through this, was the firm belief,
That there would be, beyond all doubt, comeuppance for this nun.
Once my mother got to know, what had been going on.
Sure enough, at home time, the events which then ensued,
Found my mother, barrelling in, in retributory mood.
Now, Sister Dolores was five foot ten, but you must understand,
Although my mother was five foot two, she had the upper hand.
She also had an umbrella, which she brandished in the air
Confronting Sister Dolores, she transfixed her with a glare.
For the next ten minutes, she endeavoured to explain,
What the consequence would be, if this occurred again.
Sporadically, with her umbrella, she would give the nun a poke.
Emphasising the importance of every word she spoke.
In conclusion, she suggested, that the nuns would all do well.
To imbibe some holy water to avoid the flames of hell.
Ever since that day, I’ve had, reason to rejoice,
For, no nun has ever touched me, nor even raised her voice.
As for the vile Delores, she has long since gone.
Though she’s no longer with us, her memory lingers on.
Maggie Smart
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