A Well Trained Pooch?

A friend of mine had opened a dog training school and was looking for business. She came to me with a plea for help in designing a flyer and asked if I would write a poem.

I did my best and she was subsequently delighted, when, after delivering 100 flyers in the neighbourhood, she netted 35 new clients.

Perhaps she would consider takeing on this naughty dog, who could do with a spot of training. Whilst Mum was on the school run, he took it upon himself to empty the rubbish bin. Here, he has been named and shamed on th internet.

A WELL TRAINED POOCH

Does he bark, does he howl?

Does he bare his teeth and growl?

When you say ‘wait’ will he stay?

Has he been known to run away?

Perhaps you’ve got a dog that chews

Your furniture, your clothes and shoes?

Or even worse, a dog that bites,

Chases cats and gets in fights?

Is he house-trained, is he clean?

Good with kids, or just plain mean?

Could you trust him to the end? Is he truly man’s best friend?

Now, if you have a pooch or mut

And find that you are in a rut,

We’ll help and with a bit of slog,

You’ll soon have a well-trained dog.

Maggie Smart

Autism or Naughtyism

Now, there’s ‘autism’ and ‘naughtyism’ and sometimes, the dividing lines get somewhat blurred.

To suggest however, that our little fellah can’t distinguish where the borders lie, is utterly absurd.

“Good boy really,” he cheerily intones, fully aware that good behaviour is a commodity that is easy to bank.

And all the time, keeping an eye on dad’s mobile phone, which he had earlier consigned to the depths of the fishes’ tank.

He can, spontaneously, transform from a gentle soul , mild of disposition,

Into a regular little imp whose overriding ambition,

Is connected to his obsession with water, one in which he is constantly engaged.

Now, at last, his longing for an indoor swimming pool is about to be assuaged.

With a little contemplation, he decides that the pool should be located in his bedroom,

The depth will be adequate and there will still be loads of headroom.

He waits until all the family members are elsewhere in the house, and then with everything in position,

Armed with a very large jug, he embarks upon his mission.

Sometime later, the arrival of Daddy is heralded by a step on the stairs.

But because he is engrossed in his project, he is taken completely unawares.

There is a sudden, extended bellow from his father, accompanied by many an angry exclamation.

Demanding to know why the whole place is soaking wet, and pressing for an immediate explanation.

Alas, his plans to construct an indoor swimming pool have been thwarted .

And no amount of ‘Good boy really’ can prevent the mission from being aborted.

The jury is still out as to whether this is autism or naughtyism and the matter continues under debate.

Meanwhile, in someone’s head, there are probably plans for an outdoors swimming pool - which, for him, would be absolutely great.

Maggie Smart.

Sonnet for Manchester 2017

IN LOVING MEMORY OF

Those children of the North for whom we grieved,

Whose gift of life was cruelly rendered void,

By evil, twisted beings who believed,

That Love and Light and Life should be destroyed.

Their diabolic ethos paid no heed,

To lamentation, suffering or despair,

Their dark beliefs and doctrines fuelled their need,

To kill the loving heart that brims with care.

Such mindsets simply cannot synchronise,

With the voice of reason or compassion

Dire pleas for pity, shrill demented cries

Meet with cold detachment and dispassion .

To obviate these evils far and wide

Let passion, joy and beauty be your guide.

Maggie Smart

I wrote this poem in May 2017, when an extremist suicide bomber killed 23 people, including himself, outside the Manchester Arena.