Has Anyone Caught The Toblin?

The bad news is, that quite by chance,

I’d picked up a Toblin,

And they can be more trouble,

Than any imp or goblin.

In the deep, dark depths of night,

When everyone is sleeping,

Stealthily and silently,

The Toblin comes a-creeping.

He tiptoes up the staircase,

Then, fleet of foot, he dashes,

Straight to the computer,

Which he subsequently trashes.

He breaks the glass in Windows 10,

Then barges into Word,

Where he messes with the menus,

And makes it look absurd.

He hacks into my website,

Of that I'm pretty sure,

I wouldn't be surprised to find,

He's booked a guided tour.

Somehow, very sneakily,

The Toblin's gone to ground,.

All I can do, is stay alert

And hope that he'll be found

It's just been reported,

That the culprit has been seen,

And he's acquired a henchman,

Whatever could this mean?

There suddenly came over me,

An awful, sinking feeling,

For I was sure then, that I knew,

With whom we were now dealing.

I reckoned that the Toblin,

Had formed a bold alliance,

With another miscreant

In an act of sheer defiance.

I'd worked out the identity,

Of the Toblin's mystery minion,

Twas 'Spell Check', my tormentor,

Well, that was my opinion.

My old bête noire, my nemesis,

Who'd purposefully smashed,

My phonological syntax,

'Til my grammar was all mashed.

He'd split all the infinitives,

And wrecked the punctuation,

That I'd carefully inserted,

With studious dedication.

Should you traverse my website,

Whatever else you do,

Steer clear of those two hobbledehoys ,

They're fiendish, through and through.

Maggie Smart

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Self-transformation

Whilst incarcerated in Ely State Prison, Bill undertook a rigorous program of self transformation. This, he successfully achieved through years of intensive study, daily meditations / self examination and the complicated process of neuroplasticity.

In future postings, I shall cover Bill’s extraordinary journey into his own mind. You will be intrigued.

In the meantime, here is one of Bill’s memos to his former self.

“It’s been many years since you embarked on a path of destruction plotted as a kind of retribution. You are smart now. You don’t have to hurt others in order to add some twisted delusion that you are above humankind. I know, tragically, years ago, it provided you with the sense of self that you could not extract from your horrific childhood. But you slayed that dragon! You intercepted your violent tendencies and haven’t so much as harmed a fly in 22 years. You have matured both emotionally and intellectually. Moreover, you found ‘cure’ for the propensities and have even written and published a book about your transformation. Well done! Leave the Old Bill Leonard in the dust. The New Bill Leonard is emotionally healthy! Emotional health is an individual matter and difficult to define but I believe for someone to be emotionally healthy, they should be able to work and to love. By ‘work’ is meant productivity in structured activity, and by ‘love’ is included emotional and sexual demonstrations of affection.

Continue your work and love, you healthy guy!”

Bill Leonard

Part of Bill’s transformation included the art of ‘acceptance’ which he touched on briefly in the following lines, extracted from one of his early letters.

“I accept that I will never again experience the beauties of nature, or enjoy conviviality with my fellow man. I will die in prison. This is my life. Make the best of it, even on death row. Maintain a positive attitude. Choose your friends wisely. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Adapt, adjust and improvise. Keep on your current trajectory - you are doing well.”

Bill Leonard

Finally, a poem, entitled Society's Solution, that I dedicated to Bill. He was greatly touched.

SOCIETY'S SOLUTION

In that turbulent game called Life, Bill’s childhood was wholly corrupted,

With the dice loaded against him, he walked on the dark side, uninterrupted.

Battered, bruised, sexually abused

Ruthlessly defiled – viciously reviled.

How could you provide an escape from the mean streets for such a lad?

Who had no mentors to set boundaries twixt good and bad,

There was no one to care if he self-harmed,

Nor to show concern or be alarmed

When his behaviour spiraled out of control,

And My Lady Narcotics took the central role.

His teenage years were riven by drink, drugs and nicotine,

Demons and monsters assailed him, menacing yet unseen.

But Society had the solution, and in the guise of civilization,

Required that he should suffer 30 years of deep privation,

In solitary confinement, and before his final breath,

As a grand finale, they would put this man to death.

Society has set the price that he's compelled to pay,

They forget that, when he needed them, they looked the other way.

But Bill's already paid the price, with all that he could give,

And this should be the reason why Bill's allowed to live.

Maggie Smart

Acceptance

ACCEPTANCE

When I was finally diagnosed with Parkinson’s in 2004, I went through all the classic phases of: rage, denial, frustration etc. However, I reasoned that there was no point in burdening my family with negative aspects regarding my condition. After all, there was nothing that they could do to alter the long term outlook and it would be unfair to cause them extra anguish and stress. I have always held the opinion that the role of the carer is far more distressing and difficult than the role of the patient.

I therefore devised my own unique methods for exorcising my personal demons and taking control of my life. They included a great deal of very loud singing and angry stamping around, intoning the words of Winston Churchill whilst mimicking his voice.

“We shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills, we shall never surrender.”

Another tactic that I employed, fairly successfully, was to go into the shed at the top of our garden, well out of earshot and scream the ‘F’ word 100 times over. Generally, I’m not a fan of swear words, but this felt good.

I was determined not to become a hostage to James Parkinson and his team of ‘body snatchers’

Little by little, I managed to dispense with the rage, denial and frustration and finally achieved acceptance.

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THE NEUROLOGIST’S ADVICE

A juggernaut had just lurched across my existence

But I remained serene, at the neurologist’s insistence.

He advised me not to let this impact too greatly,

To carry on as normal, eat sensibly and take lots of exercise

I told him that I was a vegetarian and had joined a gym lately.

As an afterthought, he asked if there was any sort of drug I felt I needed,

I said “no” with a shrug and he acceded.

Maggie Smart