Breathe It Away

I’VE HAD THAT, IT’S A NOTHING

When we were young,

We seldom had access to a doctor,

For we had a mother with a mantra

“I’ve had that, it’s a nothing, breathe it away,”

She would chant.

Though I’d like to say it worked,

I can’t.

But to have told her that she wasn’t helping at all,

Would have shocked her.

Samaritan(t)s

This poem is for all my Samaritan friends, remembering that hot, ant-ridden summer of 2012

SAMARITANTS

There’s ants in the kitchen, all over the floor,

Marching in columns ‘twixt window and door,

There’s little ant families with babies in strollers,

And great aunts and grandmas, with hair set in rollers,

There’s ant politicians, surgeons, physicians,

Tiny ant dentists and groovy musicians.

There’s ants on the worktop, there’s ants in the kettle,

It seems like these ants have decided to settle.

It’s a veritable Antsville, with no ant-free zones,

And the next thing you know, they’ll be manning the phones.

Maggie Smart

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Cheats Never Prosper

CHEATS NEVER PROSPER

School days are the best days of your life. “Not so!” I cry,

Thinking of the sweltering summers of the sixties, especially the months of June and July,

When we, poor wretched pupils, were hermetically sealed in the school hall,

Where we didn’t want to be, at all.

Ushered to the slaughter, like lambs,

To face the degradation of end of year exams.

Rows of single desks for us and a larger desk, at the front, for the invigilator,

Who would stroll down the aisles, on the lookout for any trouble and its instigator

One ghastly summer in particular, comes back to haunt me,

As my ineptitude at mathematics continues to taunt me.

The maths paper arrived face down, I turned it over and began to feel quite unwell,

It was at once apparent, that this paper had been delivered straight from the gates of hell.

It takes three men five days to plough six fields ... Oh God, not this one again.

I just didn’t get the logic and the concept caused me pain.

The first and most obvious answer would be “Does anyone actually care?

Anyway, wouldn’t the whole thing depend upon the calibre of men involved in the affair?

Are they fit men, or flabby and out of condition?

Do they have a good work ethic? Do they enjoy a privileged position ?

I gave up on the three men and their ploughing fiasco, irked that I was doing so badly,

And suddenly noticed that my clever friend at a neighbouring desk was gesticulating madly.

In the top set for everything, she was a mathematical sensation.

She motioned for me to pass her my paper. As soon as it was safe, I did so with elation.

This blatant act of cheating, although it gave me a terrific boost ,

Resulted in retribution, as my chickens came home to roost.

Our maths teacher, the most sarcastic person in the land,

Didn’t seem taken aback by my 95% score as she shook my hand.

She suggested that I step up to the front of the class – where all could see

And share in my mathematical epiphany.

I could “talk them through the paper” she said.

“Oh my God” I thought, “Now I'm dead.”

Have I had nightmares since? Well, just a few.

She knew! And furthermore she knew, I knew she knew

Maggie Smart